Security Measures Extraordinaire

Ok, so as all of you creepers know, I love my guns.  Recently I got it in my head to get a Desert Eagle .50 cal pistol, for reasons of my own.  So I screwed around on Craiglist, DuckDuckGo, various other sites, and finally ended up on the Dark Net.  So these guys in Prince George County, Maryland, had just what I wanted at a good $300 off of the going rate.  Being a bit suspicious of “good deals” on the internet, I checked out their history and even ran a background check.  All seemed well.

As is my wont, I stashed my SmartPhone in a magnetic case under a bar stool at a place I go to a lot, and headed off with an anonymous TracFone up to the glories of Southern Maryland.  I took the Supra.  A bit flashy, but registered under a corporate name in {UNDISCLOSED STATE HIGHLY RECOMMENDED ON THE INTERNET}, and not at all connected to me, except possibly if you successfully torture the corpse of a dead relative who is buried in an august yet anonymous cemetery at a Methodist Church in Ohio.

So these guys give me the coordinates to meet them at.  It turns out that it is a Park and Ride that is a plausible commute into DC.  I pull in a bit early, scope the place out.  Just a bunch of cars parked there awaiting their owners to come back at the end of another harrowing day in the office.  I had the feeling I was being watched, which bugged me, until I saw the camera up on a pole not far from the entrance.

Right before the meeting time, my phone rang.  My contact apologized, and asked me to walk out of the Park and Ride, 40 rows into the cornfield beside it.  Now, I am all for security, but I also had $3,000 cash in my pocket, and wasn’t so keen on this gun that I was going to just walk off with this money into a corn field and hope for the best.  I told the guy to go fuc7 himself, and headed back to my car, comforted by the 44 magnum in the ass holster in the small of my back.

He called me right back, and we chatted a bit.  I told him to come to me, which he did.  The license plate of the car matched up with the face that was supposed to own it, all information I had purchased for well under $20 earlier.  I had him get out of the car, and look right into the camera, which he did with a little embarrassment.  I asked him what the fuc7 was going on, and he just said they were trying out some new procedures.  Experimenting, if you will.  We chatted a bit, and we exchanged some advice, and life experiences.  We got comfortable enough that when they offered to drive me to the gun, I got in the car willingly, and they didn’t search me.  Like I said, perfectly legal registered 44 in the small of my back, and a decent push-blade knife in my left cowboy boot.

So we went to a little quiet spot on the Patuxent, and we all got into a johnboat.  The guy said normally they would have searched me and blindfolded me, but they were going to take me to their property fair and square.  I found this funny, figuring them for some kind of anti-government types, talking about foreigners and jackbooted thugs and unmarked helicopters, but themselves blindfolding people and practically kidnapping them, just to buy a perfectly legal weapon.  I kind of enjoyed the trip, knowing that their faces were on camera, and that I had more than enough weaponry to take them all out unless they just assassinated me while I wasn’t looking.  Which was always a possibility, no matter how remote.

We went upstream on the Patuxent, which I somehow pictures as having hypodermics, condoms, and the detritus of city living floating on it.  It wasn’t like that at all, actually a decent river with signs of life such as greenery around it.

We get to their place, and they have the Desert Eagle ready, with ammo.  I had one of them shoot it, in case the structural integrity was compromised.  Fifty cal ammo for this particular gun is anywhere from $1.50 to $1.70 a bullet, and I figured there was enough time to sight this puppy in later on.   It was just worth it to me to have them fire a shot, and if the gun blew up, they took the worst of it.

That business concluded, they then brought out something I didn’t even knew existed.  A .357 caliber air rifle by Benjamin that is capable of taking out white tail deer, feral hogs, and frankly, annoying neighbors.  It was quiet, accurate, efficient.  Pretty much everything you could ask for in a gun, and way more than you could expect in an air rifle.

Check it out at

Anyways, all went well, and I ended up going home with the Desert Eagle, and much more ammunition than I could have hoped for.  I skipped the air rifle, already having good Inert Gas options ready and waiting in the gun safe, and more powerful centerfire options at hand.  It’s just nice to check out what there is, and shop.

So, in the end I ended up crashing in a hotel in LaPlata, Maryland.  Just didn’t want to face a massive drive home after a potentially fatal boat trip up the Patuxent River, and I kind of needed to soothe my jangled nerves with a drink or five.  And I also scored the affections of a rather chubby divorced Puerto Rican broad who had some connection to Admiral Dahlgren, if you can believe that.  Look him up on Wikipedia if you give a sh1t.  I didn’t inquire too deeply, I just stroked deeply, and was back home today in the early afternoon.

That’s all for today.




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