Pro Forma Blog Post

Hey Creepers! So here I am, sitting down in front of my computer, cafe’ correto di grappa in hand. It’s in a Lavazza mug that I liberated from the first class lounge at Falcone-Borsellino airport in Palermo waiting for a Meridiana flight. A small memento of a notable trip that began in fear, proceeded in ecstasy, and ended in heartache. There’s a sun shower outside, with a half rainbow showing the way to someone else’s pot of gold. All this inspiration, yet what to write? What to write?

As all of you avid followers of mine know, this is my year to get published. The clock started running January 31, so we are three quarters of the way into this. What have we got so far? Well, two books are in final edits, with one getting sporadic chapters added on as we go. Interestingly, I am also 46,000 words into another book; namely, this blog. Yes, from what They Say, you can actually take a blog that is open and free to the public, then turn around and sell it as an actual book. This has been going on a while. “Stuff White People Like”, “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”, and “FAIL Blog” are good examples.*

There’s a lot going on in my life. The kids, the ex-wives, the odd jobs, the half-broken Curse, lawyers, bookies, liquor to drink, cigars to smoke. On and on it goes. Yet I get stuff out on this blog. There are a number of reasons for this. I am single-minded and focused. Each day I get up around noon, face the West, and promise myself three things.

1) I will write for one full hour.

2) I will connect with the people I love or devote time to self-improvement. Whether physical, spiritual, emotional, or intellectual.

3) Under no circumstances will I get on the internet.

Invariably, these three promises fall through and time marches on. Before long, it’s three o’clock and one of the boys drops by. Squirrel or Fat Danny or Reggie. Stuff gets out of hand; you’ve been on this site and know the drill. Then the phone rings, and it’s one or more of the ex-wives. Usually it’s the kids coming over for homework, or A Talk, or me running some ridiculous errand that saves them $4 and costs me $50 or more in time and aggravation.  But whatever the event of the day is, that gets out of hand too.

We put together some kind of massive dinner, everyone shovels it down, and off they go to home or bed. And the evening proceeds one of two ways. I either bang out some stuff on the computer, then hit the bars. Or I hit the bars, and write when I get home. That can be complicated if I brought someone home. Then it’s gotta wait until Little Finnegan works his magic and they are have entered what the Italians call the coma d’amore. Then I just whip up a cup of instant espresso and write.

So anyway, here is what I am offering to you today. Since I spend a lot of time on the internet, I’ve had time to study the blog posts of real authors. Published ones, no less.  And here is a format you can use without fail when you’ve been away for a while, in fact the one I used today:

1) Start out by mentioning the beverage you love. This is usually coffee. Second most popular is alcohol (in order wine, clear liquors, beer). Or you can set yourself aside as a sophisticate by mentioning speciality teas like chai or Turkish tea or Irish breakfast.

2) Mention your surroundings, and tie it to an anecdote. This can be positive, or deep, or morose. All depends on you.

3) Talk about your commitment to writing. You are a Writer, and by extension, an Author. Either published or unpublished. Own it.

4) Mention family and friends, because that’s a good reason to not do what you say you’re going to do. We all get it.

5) Wrap it up by talking about banging out some work, how it works for you. If necessary, re-commit to your craft.

So if you’re behind on your posting, follow the five steps above, and you have a post. That in place, you should be able to punt for another week!

That’s my gift to you.**




This post is really interesting by the way. I can’t believe that you can actually sell free stuff to people. Then on the other hand, that’s the thrift store model. One man’s trash…..

**It’s a free gift, at least at this point. It’s likely to cost you $6.99 on Scribd in the near future, and you’ll have to go to page 112 to find it.  Peace out!


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