So my second wife, god rest her hole, really liked to spend money. She only wanted the finest. No idea why she hooked up with me, given my checkered past (much less checkered present and likely checkered future). But she did, and it was interesting times.
It didn’t take too long to notice that when given a choice in things to buy, she would always pick the most expensive. She’d run her finger down the menu, and whatever was most expensive, she’d order. If you asked her which option she preferred, she’d always look at price tags, and pick the most expensive, no matter the context. Cars, toner cartridges, gum, tires. To her, a high price meant value.
As you can imagine, this drove me nuts.
So, we were out shopping for a new bedroom set. We went to store after store, and she would immediately run to the stuff that wasn’t on sale, look at price tags, and tell me that we needed to have whatever was most expensive. Any debate, and she would start wailing about how we spent a third of our life in bed, and if I wanted to cut corners, there were other places less painful, like cigars, beer, muscle cars, p0rn subscriptions, you name it.
At one point, she walked over to a female sales clerk and started pi$$ing and moaning about the whole ordeal, how cheap I was. Typical lady sh1t. I took that moment to lean in to the old sales clerk, hand him a $50 bill, and say, “Tell her that tomorrow you have a true premium shipment coming in she should look at.”
He pocketed the money with raised eyebrows, but went along with it. Next day, I lined it all up while wife #2 was at her Pilates class.
So in we went, and there was a “new” bedroom set. Cheap-a$$ laminated wood, basic mattress, nothing special. It was new at least, no stains on the mattress, yet. She had scoffed at it the day before when it was marked down on clearance at $975. Except the sales clerk had put a new price tag on it; $6,898. Almost two grand more than the next cheapest, the one she was mooning over.
Well, she went nuts. Praising the grain of the wood, the feel of the mattress, the drawers, amenities, WE HAD TO HAVE IT. So I played along, complaining about the price, how could we afford it, blah blah blah.
Then the sales guy said, well, I can knock $500 off it you pay cash. At that point, I bit. Told my wife I could do it, she meant that much to me, how I couldn’t spare any expense when it came to her, yada yada yada. But I told her I had to get the cash and handle this on the side, she’d have it all soon.
Short story long, I got out $1,075 and tax. $975 and tax to the store, and $100 cash as a bonus to the salesman. Easy day for him.
So we were all happy. The salesman got $100 extra dollars for keeping quiet while I lied, rather than lying himself. The wife got the pleasure of sleeping in a $7000 bed. I got the pleasure of spending a reasonable sum for a decent product. AND I got to keep some extra cash to play the ponies, since I had supposedly tapped into our savings.
Overall, a banner day. Let me know what you think.
p.s. This is a re-post from February 2015. Bringing it back up to the forefront so all my new fans can get to know me. Hope you enjoy!