So I was hauling a$$ down this country road, rocking out to “Detroit Rock City” by Kiss. That song always makes me speed. All of the sudden, I see I’m blowing past a cop coming out of a side road. Hitting the brakes wasn’t gonna do me much good, I was already past him.
On come the lights, and he pulls me over. I’m trying to remember if there’s any contraband in this car, and trying to do that complicated drink/time/body weight math in my head. By time he gets out of his car, I’ve got my license and registration ready, the window down, and my head on straight.
Well, you know the drill. He comes walking up from behind, touches the tail light to leave a fingerprint and all that, and he just launches into this total a$$-reaming. It’s a Saturday, and kids are out playing (even though it’s freezing), do-you-have-any-idea-how-fast-you-was-going, this is his neighborhood, what if his kids were out here, I woulda just run-em-down dead, bodies in the road, their mama cryin’.
He had a point there, speeding bad. And in theory it’s easy to agree, and even sympathize, but when this goes on and on for like five minutes, you’re just ready for the ticket. But of course, I just sit there, nodding politely with both hands on the wheel, not trying to do anything to spook or provoke the nice officer. My mind started to drift, and I thought about how this cop was maybe thirty, tops, and just a kid. Here I am about to get written up by somebody nearly 20 years younger than me. That made me feel old.
Well, it seems like he’s finally wrapping up the lecture, and pulling out his note pad. We are about to enter the part of the discussion where this is gonna cost me points, money and probably a few Saturdays for remedial driving courses.
All of the sudden, Deus ex machina, his little radio on his hip starts squawking about all cars and something in progress. The nice officer slams his pad shut, points his finger in my face, and yells, “This is your last warning!”
I let him zoom past, lights flashing and siren blaring, and thought to myself, “Last warning, indeed!”
p.s. yeah, this is a repost too. From the vaults where no one goes.